Not anymore

The memories I had with you, it's haunting me.

You'll regret someday for leaving me in such a mess,hurting me so deeply.

Finally you told me the reason for breaking up. If that's the reason, I admit I regretted asking you for it. I didn't expect it to be that. You know how I felt after reading that msg? I was better after 2 days of crazy shopping. But everything came crashing down when you replied. Not knowing what to do. The tears just gave way and fell apart. Not knowing what to do, I just cried, and cried and cried. Still hoping that you'd be by my side. But where are you? I wish I could really convince myself to hate you totally. Somehow, hatred couldn't flow thorugh my blood. I feel so dumb,so foolish to have agreed to be with you at the start. And now, landing myself in such a mess. Tell me what can I do now? Please stop apologising, stop calling me. Sorries ain't going to stop the pain. Sorries ain't going to heal the wound. Sorries ain't going to change the fact that you're someone else's fiance. Sorries can't bring us back together. Sorries can't make up for the tears. Sorries can't do anything. I hate it most when you say "Sorry." Hurt me even deeper. I ain't going to feel anything anymore. It's scary to not even know why, when and what you're crying over for. Everytime a message comes from you, the tears will start flowing all over again. Each time the phone rings and your name appears, the tears wouldn't seem to stop flowing. No matter how much I wished for you to call. No matter how much I wished for your concern, you're already someone else's fiance. I have to admit. I know what to do, I'll back out... Why must you treat me this way? Why must you do this to me? Stop showing concern for me, stop apologising. Things ain't going to change. I feel so cheated. I don't know what should I do now to fit my current feeling. The best answer is to smoke my day away. Answer me these questions, and I'll leave alone, silently. "Have you ever loved me? If so, do you still love me? If you loved me, you'd not have done these to me. If you cared for me, you'd not have dropped such a bomb on me at this time. If you are concerned for me, you'd not have made me teared so much." Stop letting me feel that you cared by messaging "Sorry". Stop making me feel that you'd still be there for me. You called that very night. I refused to pick up your calls. I didn't want to let you know I'm crying. I didn't want to let you know I'm hurting so much. Even when till the end, I answered your call, I kept silent all the while. And the only words I said was Hello, Hmm and Bye. You know how much that hurt me? You know the feeling of crying to sleep at night? I don't know what's the reason for your sudden marriage. But it really made me feel like I've been cheated and betrayed. Perhaps you've your own difficulties,that's why I couldn't bring myself to hate you until I know the whole truth. But can I take the whole truth? Or would I break down again. Tired from crying. Sick of trying. Even if you were to hurt me further, I'll not stop myself from crying. I'll not tell myself to stay strong. Stab me at the back. Trust me, I'll be fine. At least, it won't hurt me as much as seeing you with her. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. You asked me could we be friends after this. I'm sorry, I replied idk. But frankly, I'm sorry. No, never. After how much trouble you landed me into. After how much pain and sorrow you caused me. After the way you made me cry. Never are you going to be my friend anymore. I hate to say this, but we'll be strangers from this moment onwards. You said never to hurt me. You said not to leave me alone. You said you'd save me when I'm in trouble. You said you'd be there for me when I'm bored or feeling blue. You said to be with me forever. I remembered everything you said. Including these; Let's be friends instead. We'll break up. Stop contacting me, I'm sorry. I don't wanna hurt you further. And even more hurting stuffs I don't wanna mention. I guess I'm numbed from the pain. I don't feel anything anymore. I'll leave you of my own accord. From this day onwards, we're nobody's. Stay happy and blissful after being married. No matter how much I long for your calls, your messages, your warm embrace. These that came from you once seem so distant now. Ever since that message came, these seem so strange to me.